54 Thoughts Every Capetonian Has on the London Underground

I don’t usually promote this type of Copywriting but it’s taking me way too long to finish my Notting Hill post, so here’s something silly in the mean time. I know I know, it’s been done before too many times. But you haven’t read my version of it yet. Capetonian style.

  1. This is not at all what I expected.
  2. This looks exactly like the metro trains in Cape Town.
  3. Only difference is it’s cleaner.
  4. And faster.
  5. This train is going so fast.
  6. If it goes any faster, I am going to land on this old lady’s lap.
  7. Why is it so hot in here?
  8. Oh right, because we are underground. Duh.
  9. I hope that guy doesn’t make eye contact with me.
  10. Daadum, daadum, daadum.
  11. That guy could totally be a serial killer. He has that look.
  12. Everyone always says don’t make eye contact with anyone on the tube.
  13. This lady on the speaker is so efficient.
  14. Really? You think you can squeeze in this tiny space in front of me?
  15. I can smell what this guy had for breakfast.
  16. Kill me now.
  17. I wonder if anyone ever died on here due to lack of oxygen.
  18. Is it just me or is it seriously hot in here?
  19. Shit. Shit. Where is my oyster card?
  20. Oh there it is.
  21. Too. Many. Steps.
  22. Yoh. Now I know why everyone wears Nikes.
  23. My All-Stars are getting raped.
  24. This is too much walking for my powder blue All-Stars.
  25. I knew I shouldn’t have brought an extra jacket.
  26. Ermahgerd! I totally knew where the doors would open.
  27. I’m totally a local.
  28. Found a seat during rush hour! Winning!
  29. I wish I didn’t sit down during rush hour.
  30. How am I going to get out of here?
  31. I sold my 1.6 Sport for this.
  32. Why did she have to put her luggage bag in the middle of the aisle?
  33. Kill me now.
  34. Is that even called an aisle?
  35. Two more stops.
  36. I think I’ll get up now.
  37. Next time, don’t sit down.
  38. I wonder if they are going all the way to Hounslow.
  39. WTF lives in Hounslow?
  40. This is way better than the metro trains in Cape Town.
  41. Things are just better here.
  42. I wonder if you can eat on the tube.
  43. I haven’t seen anyone eat on here.
  44. Everything is so clean.
  45. Why are the doors on that side?
  46. Is there a queue to get on the escalator?
  47. Oh thank God, there’s an escalator!
  48. I’m not in the right queue.
  49. I’ll just walk up a few steps and slip into the gap on the right.
  50. Walking is so hard.
  51. Where’s the gap?
  52. I wonder if I have enough credit on my Oyster card.
  53. Yip. Nailed it.
  54. I’m totally a local.

Should we expand this list? Let me know if you have something new to add and I’ll pop it in here.
All the love.